That's Sirius For You
by LanieHallows
Summary: After the death of his fiancé Marlene, Sirius takes a vacation to Miami to clear his head, but ends up getting arrested by the muggle police. But hey, that's Sirius for you!


That's Sirius For You

A/N: Hello people who so kindly clicked to read this dear one-shot of mine :) This idea just came to me and I had to write it. Sirius is one of my favorite characters after all ;) And I know, I should be updating How to Live Life and not writing this, but I had to. Don't worry that update will be soon hopefully.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything!

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"Lily, what is that ringing noise?" James groaned.

Lily sighed, "It's the telephone, James. You know, the things muggles use to communicate from different places."

James groaned again, "But why are they calling in the middle of the bloody night."

"I don't know, but I'll go answer it," Lily told her husband as she got up to answer the phone.

"Lily? Lily flower is this you? Are you there?" Sirius yelled through the phone.

"Yes, it is. No need to scream though, Sirius. Now, why are you calling me in the middle of the night?" Lily asked, thinking of the nerve that man had to call her in the middle of the bloody night.

Sirius laughed sheepishly, "I may have gotten arrested by the muggle police..."

Lily's eyes nearly bolted out of her head, "How did this happen?"

Sirius sighed then explained, "Well, you know why I'm on this vacation, to clear my mind of Marlene. Well, it wasn't working well, so I went out to a muggle bar in attempts to get completely smashed, and apparently I did. I don't really remember much, but apparently I started to drive around, and it was quite apparent to the police that I didn't have a license, or I was very drunk. Then they found out I was both, then arrested me for both. Apparently one of my crimes is called a DEY? No, a DEI... a BEI...?"

"DUI?" Lily suggested, groaning inwardly at at stupidity.

"Yes, that's it!" Sirius told her.

"Oh, Sirius, why would you do this?" Lily asked, frustrated with him.

"I was under the influence of one of my favorite comfort things, alcohol, my Lily flower," Sirius told her, trying to lighten up the mood.

"Where are you at?" Lily groaned.

"Miami, I think," Sirius told her.

"Why are you doing this to me, Sirius, I'm six months pregnant!" Lily groaned, throwing her hand not holding the phone up in frustration.

"I'm truly sorry, Lily flower. You're just the only person I know who can help me in the muggle world," Sirius apologized, not wanting to be on the other end of her pregnancy hormones.

"Okay, James and I'll be there as soon as possible. Till then, don't say anything they can use against you,"

Lily told him.

"A little too late for that," Sirius told her sheepishly.

"What?" Lily asked.

"I was totally smashed, and I think I may have said some things I shouldn't have," Sirius told her sheepishly.

"Whatever, Sirius. James and I are coming, bye," Lily told him, before she slammed the phone down.

"Bye," Sirius told her before hanging up the phone.

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"Uggghhh," Sirius moaned as entered his cell once again.

 _How did this happen?_ Sirius thought.

(Flashback)

"Sirius?" James asked his friend.

Sirius sensed something was wrong, James had tears rolling down his face after all, "Just spit it out, James."

James sighed, "It's Marlene, she's... She's dead."

Sirius' eyes widened in shock, "No... No she's not!"

James put a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry, Sirius, I know you loved her, she is yo- was your fiancé after all. I can only imagine what you're feeling."

Sirius let out a sob and started to run away...

(New Flashback)

 _Dear Prongs and Lily Flower,_

 _I want to first off, say sorry for running away and leaving you two, plus Moony and Wormtail, in the dark for the last couple days. Now, I'm on a vacation for a little while, to clear my mind of, you know. I'll be back soon, don't worry about me, I'm fine._

 _PS: I better still be the godfather-to-be of prongs junior when I get back!_

 _Sirius_

(New Flashback)

"I feel so free!" Sirius yelled as he drove around Miami, in a car that wasn't his.

"I feel reckless!" Sirius yelled again.

"Yeaaaahhh!" Some drunk guy who followed him from the bar screamed from the passenger seat.

"Where's the radio on this thing?" Sirius asked, starting to press random other guy turned it on and Sirius started to dance in his seat.

"I'm freeeee" Sirius yelled again, this time his head out of the window.

Then the sounds of the police started to near, and Sirius had no idea what was happening, but the drunk guy from the bar sure did, "dude, let me out, now!"

"Okay dude," Sirius said while he started to pull off to the side of the road, almost hitting another car while doing so.

As soon as the guy left and Sirius was ready to leave again, an officer came up and tapped on Sirius' window. Sirius put it down out of confusion and the cop told him, "license and registration please."

"Huh?" Sirius asked.

"Do you not have any?" The cop asked.

"Well of course I don't, I'm a wizard!" Sirius yelled.

"Yep, definitely drunk, we'll test him later." The cop muttered.

"Oh, I see, you want some of my booze! Here, have some," Sirius told him as he held up a bottle.

The cop snatched it from him, "Evidence."

"Evidence for what? To show your wife you were out at the bar with your friends and not sleeping with other women?" Sirius laughed at turned the radio up louder.

"Turn that down! But No, I don't cheat on my wife!" The cop told him, clearly offended.

Sirius laughed, "I'm so stupid, of course you don't, you don't have a wife. Why would anyone want to marry your ugly arse!"

"You're under arrest, put your hands behind your back," The cop told him.

"Arrest? All I did was state the obvious! What did I do wrong!" Sirius yelled as he was pulled out of the car.

"Drunk driving and driving without a license. Now put your hands behind your back!"

"Shit," Sirius muttered.

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"Lily, you can't take a portkey, you're pregnant!" James told his outraged wife.

"Well, what else are we supposed to do!" Lily yelled back at him, frustrated with the whole situation.

"Take those muggle flying things?" James suggested.

"But that takes so long," Lily whined.

"I could just go by myself?" James suggested.

"We have to bail him out and you don't know muggle money," Lily told him, stepping closer to her husband.

"Lily, you don't know American muggle money either," James told her.

"It should be easy enough to figure out, it has the numbers on it," Lily muttered.

"Well then why don't I just go?" James asked her.

"JAMES POTTER I'M GOING!" Lily yelled at him.

"Calm down, Lily. Take a seat." James told his wife, taking her hand in his.

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Lily retorted, smacking his hand away.

"Damn hormones," James muttered.

Lily started to tear up, James rushed to her side. "I'm sorry, James, I didn't mean to be rude, these bloody hormones!"

"It's fine, Lily," James told his wife.

"Let's get on a plane, Sirius is probably dying in there," Lily told her husband.

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"What's your name?" An officer asked.

"My name is Sirius Black," Sirius told the officer.

"Were you driving while drunk tonight," The officer asked.

"I was told not to say anything," Sirius told him.

"Very well, escort Mr. Black here to the holding cells," The officer ordered.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Sirius yelled.

"What?" The officer asked, rolling his eyes.

"Where's my wand?" Sirius asked, desperate for it.

"You mean that stick? We put it in evidence."

"No, that's my wand!" Sirius yelled as he was pulled away back to the holding cells.

"He really is drunk," the officer muttered.

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"Who are you?" Another guy in his cell asked.

"Sirius Black! Sex god and prankster extraordinaire!" Sirius yelled, the whole building probably heard him.

"What did you do," he asked.

"DUI," Sirius yelled.

"Why the hell are you yelling?" The guy asked.

"Because I can!" Sirius yelled, this time he started to dance.

"What is wrong with you?" The guy asked, looking at him weirdly.

"Nothing! Whats wrong with you? Look at you, you're hideous! Spiky red hair, one too many piercings, and tattoos on your face? Your appearance most have been your crime!" Sirius yelled, you could here people nearby laughing.

"That tears it!" The guy yelled as he launched himself at Sirius.

The two were having a fist fight, but it didn't last long with cops splitting them up quickly. After that the two sat in silence for awhile.

"What's your name?" Sirius asked.

"Will."

"What did you do?"

"Sell drugs, want any?" Will asked.

"They didn't take them from you?" Sirius asked, amazed.

"They took some, not all. They didn't know I had these," Will told him.

"Oh, but no, I don't do drugs," Sirius told him.

"Your loss," Will muttered.

"I want my wand!" Sirius said.

"Your what?" Will asked

"Whoops, did I say wand? I meant... I meant... Ummm." Sirius muttered.

Will just rolled his eyes and turned his back to him, "He's smashed," Sirius let out a sigh of relief.

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"It's been ten hours, do you think he is okay?" Lily asked her husband, evidently very worried.

"Yeah, he's probably still sleeping," James reassured his wife.

She nodded as she opened the door to where Sirius was. She walked up to the front desk and asked, "We're here for Sirius Black, how much is his bail?"

"Oh, the nut job! Well his bail is for 1500 dollars," the officer told her.

James took out his wallet and produced that amount out and gave it to the cop.

"Now, here are his court dates, now I'll go get him," the officer said as he left.

"Court dates?" James asked Lily.

She nodded, "Yeah, he has to go to court by law, but we'll just obliviate the officers."

James nodded and then came Sirius, "My friends! My dear friends that I missed so much! Oh Prongsie! Lily Flower!"

"Calm down, Padfoot," James told his friend.

"I need my wand, I won't calm down till I have it," Sirius yelled looking around as if it was in an obvious place.

"Can he have his stick, that for some reason he calls a wand," Lily asked.

"No, it needs to stay in evidence," the officer told her.

Lily sighed and then stared to fake whine, "But officer! I need it! You don't understand! It was my husbands favorite toy as a boy! And his friend took it away like a doofus and started calling it his wand. Now my baby won't be able to play with it when he's born!" Lily was in tears and screaming.

"Okay, okay! If it's just a harmless stick I'll get it. I'll be right back," the officer said as he left.

Lily turned around to face the two shocked men behind her, "You're welcome, Sirius," she told him as she wiped the tears off her face.

"Thanks..." Sirius said, still in shock from seeing Lily Evans having a fit, but quickly recovered, "That was a horrible excuse, Lily, I'm surprised he fell for it."

Lily rolled her eyes, "It didn't matter what the excuse was, men just don't know what to do with a hysterical crying women."

"Here you go," the cop said as he returned with the wand and gave it to Lily.

Lily nodded, then pulled her own wand out and muttered, "obliviate."

Lily threw Sirius his wand, "come on, obliviate everyone who knows about this, I'll take care of Sirius' files."

James and Sirius nodded and then ran off, Lily went behind the desk to see Sirius' file already open, Lily laughed at what she saw. He was smiling and posing like he was a model in his mugshot.

"Well, that's Sirius for you," Lily whispered as she burned the papers, but stuffed Sirius' mugshot in her pocket.

James and Sirius returned and then the three left the building. "So, we taking a portkey?" Sirius asked.

"No, Lily is pregnant, she can't," James told him.

"How else are we going to get back!" Sirius asked.

"A plane," Lily told him.

"The muggle things that fly?" Sirius asked.

Both nodded and Sirius grabbed a penny off the ground and pointed his wand at it then disappeared.

"Of course he would go and create a portkey and leave us here," James muttered

Lily laughed, "That's Sirius for you."

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A/N: Thanks for reading everyone. Please tell me what you thought in a review, I'm curious. Well I hope everyone enjoyed it!

~~~Lanie 3


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